Sunbeams and a Velvet Dream

One day, I opened my eyes and saw all that,
lifted the veil of illusion and discovered the true reflection in the mirror.

Ever since then, I have tried to keep my eyes closed and go back to sleep.

That’s why I seek to dream…

Who am I to dream?

You’re right, I am nobody.
Not much important in the grand scheme of things,
just a speck of stardust moved by the never-ending dance
of the gracious Universe —
a fleeting moment trapped in the prison of nowness.

A lonely seashell,
forgotten on the sandy beaches of this planet and her vastness.
One of many.
I know I’m not special.

No one is really,
when you think about it deeply.
And I’m not saying this to flood you with sadness
or in a hurtful way…

It just came to me on a rainy summer day.

I think that whoever created us, this grand painting,
might be lonely too.

That’s what makes us alike, you see —
me and you.

If I shall confess in this moment,
I dream because that is my only hope,
it’s a lifeline which keeps me afloat,
not to drown in madness.

Even though we are stranded on the shores of paradise,
everything collapses and turns into ashes.
It’s a dangerous illusion:

wildfire,
massive fish kills,
oil spills,
constant megalomania,
poaching,
deforestation,
wars,
sickness for power,
money and false glory,
influencing,
cannibalism,
destruction.

That’s what means to be human nowadays.

One day, I opened my eyes and saw all that,
lifted the veil of illusion
and discovered the true reflection in the mirror.
It sent me straightaway into uncontrollable sobbing.

I realised we live in a nightmare
and that I cannot change this reality.
I can do Nothing.

It seems like the important things in life
cannot be controlled, unfortunately.
Ever since then,
I have tried to keep my eyes closed and go back to sleep.

That’s why I seek to dream,
to imagine a world that is closer to Heaven,
more ethereal:

Golden days soaked in sunrays,
pine perfume, forever green.
Cool and gentle breeze dancing with the trees,
vibrant birdsongs reflected in crystal water,
sunbeams coated with shimmer — powdered sugar
…
It tastes so sweet.

Tiny dewdrops on my skin,
million Nature kisses,
goosebumps so intense,
they elevate consciousness.

Kundalini,
love is rising,
no resisting.
I can feel the oxygen expanding in my lungs,
running through my veins,
fresh limes, honey lemonade…

That is my existence —
lying on a bed of wildflowers,
gentle camomile, purple violets, bluebonnets,
fingers tracing the delicate fabric of another illusion.

I could sink in the grass next to you, my dear,
we can rest,
transform into something lighter than air.

Untouchable, otherworldly,
unable to be deciphered or metabolised;
Something metaphysical, magical,
beyond all senses and human reach.
It is safe.

It cannot be bought,
it won’t become corrupted,
simply because it doesn’t have a price tag.

That is the velvet dream I wrap myself around
when the storm gets unbearable.

I know you didn’t ask for it.
I just thought I’d share,
break the freezing silence between us.

I love you,
but you don’t understand me.

I’m a dreamer,
I had big dreams for the culture —
not what to do
but how it would feel,
how it could think.

All I wanted to do
was transmit pieces from Nirvana back here on Earth,
so we can remember the taste of unconditional love.

I know,
who am I to dream for you.
They don’t understand,
I’m just a girl who dreams on paper.

My tears are the invisible ink I use
as I’m too afraid
that evil eye might see
and take it away from me.

I’m afraid I’d be forced to accept the nowness
for the simple fact —

“It’s always been like this.”

For the terror that I’d follow Sylvia Plath
down to her watery grave,
under live oak trees,
forever forgotten,
buried with her sadness.

Another lonely seashell
washed away
from the shores of this existence
...

As I stand on the beach with you today
and watch the foamy tops of the sea,

I just hope that she is free.

P.S. Yolita

This work was inspired by ELizabeth W. Grant and her poetry book
Violet Bent Backwards over the Grass